There’s umami… And then there’s UMILFY. This savory bombshell of sensuality knows exactly how to get those juices flowing. Sandwiched between two squishy brioche buns, lathered in kimchi ketchup (h/t) and a black garlic aioli, this cougar comes stacked with a beef patty ground with smoked bacon, sauteed onions, marinated in black vinegar, and adorned with some white miso, parmesan bacon (h/t). Helllllo Mrs. Robinson!
I should probably start off by saying, I LOVE me some creamed
corn porn. Fresh out of the skillet… Fresh out of the can… Whatever. This southern-sullied sexploit brings out the sinner in me. I’m talking a grass fed beef patty, ground with pork belly, topped with cheddar, creamed with corn, a cold smoked tomato, pickled okra, a crispy watercress/pea shoot salad, AND a mustard green aioli to boot. Sure, this beauty is well endowed, but since when is size an issue? I read somewhere, it’s all about the motion in the ocean… Whatever that means.
This American badass with French roots delivers an intensely layered performance sandwiched on a buttery parmesan cronut, with beef marrow french onion dip, cornichon relish, and black peppered bacon. What do you think? Dafriend or Dafoe?
This burger is soooooo good, my friend Jeremih went and wrote a song about it. Now, you can have your burg-day cake and eat it too. This savory Kalamata olive, Bing cherry, and caramelized onion cake, comes layered with creamy foie gras mousse, two grass-fed beef patties, bacon, onion jam, and a truffle whipped goat cheese. Go ahead, blow out your candles and make a wish… I’ll wait.
This Yorkshire pudonk-a-donk has got some serious junk in it’s trunk. Naw what I mean? Stuffed inside a deliciously golden yorkshire pudding, sits a braised lamb beauty, sauced with a rich demi glace, and crowned with a potato and parsnip gratin, crispy shoestring onion rings, and mustard caviar. Stay calm and burger on.
This belgian stack of martial artistry, is a real uppergut punch to your average brunch. Beefy in all the right places, this knife and forker comes stacked with a Belgian liege waffle, dijon mustard, two smashed patties, applewood smoked gruyere, country ham, an over easy duck egg, AND parmesan bechamel for days. Your move, team Chuck Norris.
Ian MacKaye influenced and DC Veg Fest inspired, this hardcore burger is TOTES straight (v)edge. With a grass fed beet patty (I kid…), crispy brussel sprouts, shallot confit, and black garlic aioli, this red and black stack of umami angst is certain to strike vegan dischord in the hearts of the burger mainstream.
This week’s pumpkin plumper (plumpkin?) only comes in one size, extra grande. With a coffee rubbed beef patty, slathered in a pumpkin aioli, caramelized onion, pumpkin spice duck bacon, tomato, and a bright herb salad, this stack-o-latern is surely a smug smiley, flick’n the sign of the horn.
Bueno. This Basque beauty is a pinch sweet, a pintxo salty, and all kinds of Spanish lisp-y. Behold, this braised oxtail burger comes served in it’s own sherry fortified jus, topped with seared foie gras, candied Jamón Ibérico, and skewered to a crispy slice of country bread lathered in a roast physalis, shallot compote. San Sebastián… you complete me.
What’s more ‘Merica than a burger crafted from it’s capital’s very own culinary traditions. Ok, maybe taxation with representation… but that’s a different blog. This District denizen bleeds red, white, blue, and beef cheek chili. With a patty constructed from 13th Street Meat’s half smoke grind, Gordy’s pickle relish, and a DC Brau battered, french fry bun… drizzled in mumbo sauce—America, this star spangled beaut is for you.