The Trumple Foreskin

There’s fast food, and then there’s fascist food. This burger promises to incite violence against your taste buds, while simultaneously leaving you hungry for real substance. Crowning a cheese puff dusted with truffled white power powder, sits a tiny beef patty, seasoned with extreme prejudice and misogyny, on Russian dressing, and adorned with pickled, fried corn silk. Let’s be honest, I should have just made this a yellow turd, but I really wanted to use my gold leaf (made in China). #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #BlackLivesMatter.

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Sext On The Beach

I’m pretty sure Sex on the Beach hasn’t been cool since the 90’s, which is why I’m giving the genre a facelift… Ani-moule style. This sexty beach bun comes stacked with a ‘Nduja aioli, steamed mussels AND clams, crispy prosciutto, a PornBurger beef  patty, Midnight Moon Cyprus Grove cheese, pickled shallots, and a healthy drizzle of an oyster beer , shellfish jus. Summer just got wet hot.

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The MunchBox

This canna-burger is more than just a pretty face, it’s the whole god damn package. With two beef patties, ground with marijuana infused beef fat, a cold-smoked tomato, Worcestershire dusted potato chips, and  roasted ramp and leek aioli, this stoner delight elevates the burger to it’s very own cloud 9. For instructions on how to infuse your own lard, check out my spiritual gurus over at SousWeed and WeedHorn.  Snoop Dog, call me.

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Hot Buns & Juicy Beefcakes

 

Dear perverts, I’ve never been more excited (or proud) of a stack of smut in my life… And that’s saying A LOT. I’m very pleased to announce that the official PornBurger cookbook is almost here, and currently available on Amazon for a crazy pre-order discount! Let’s get weird.

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The Spamela Anderson Burger

This perky, beach blonde classic is stacked with all kinds of salty, sweet and is not afraid to flaunt it. Sandwiched between a sun-kissed pineapple upside down cake, sits a beef patty ground with spam, crispy jalapeno rubbed bacon, and a gorgeous sharp cheddar riesling sauce. Playboy, call me.

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That Special Sauce

I’m happy to announce that the freshly minted, BURGER PERVERT EMPORIUM is now open for biznasty, and showcasing a limited run of Ryan Ford’s “Special Sauce” PornBurger tee’s. Pick one up while supplies last and let that freak flag fly.

(Orders ship starting, Feb 7th)

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The James Francophile Burger

This bromantic stack of sophistication has three degrees and a black belt in French kissing. We’re talking melted Gruyère de Comté over a grass fed beef patty, a black truffle demi glace, bone marrow onion jam, a gratuitous dick joke, pickled beets, and an oven crisped cheese puff. In fact, the only thing missing from this beasty, is a shirtless Seth Rogen.

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The Chronic-kah Burger

Chanukah may have already come and gone, but this stoner stack is the gift that keeps on giving: Smokey shiitake mushrooms on a nest of caramelized onions, kimchi thousand island dressing, a seared beef patty draped in melted swiss, and a couple of crispy root vegetable latkes, or as I call them — Chanukah hash. Light’er up!

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I Woke Up Like This

No really, I did. And then I got right back in bed, fell asleep, and did it all over again. Crispy fried chicken… Cheeseburger waffles… All morning I be flossin’ on that, flawless.

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The Fowl-atio Burger

With this tuducken burger in my belly, I have much to be turfankful for… Namely crispy duck skin, a juicy seasoned turkey patty, creamy chicken liver pate, a bright brussel salad, a masterfully balanced, ‘Chups cranberry ketchup, and of course tryptophan… Sweet, sweet, tryptozzzzz.

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